


Isn't it Pretty to Think So?

by pininibread0901



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, all human cast, promiscuous behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:56:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pininibread0901/pseuds/pininibread0901
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We can do this, Carm.” She looked at me eyes watery and hopeful.  </p><p>I looked out the window, before untangling our fingers.</p><p>“Yeah, isn’t it pretty to think so?”</p><p>Carmilla and Laura had broken up as life seemed to consume them both. Years after, the ex-lovers find themselves in Paris for a weekend. Will their love once again bloom or has the sun already set on their relationship? </p><p>Strongly influenced by the Sun also Rises by Ernest Hemingway</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isn't it Pretty to Think So?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello . This is my first multichapter in the Carmilla fandom and my first long fic in a long time. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I also apologize if the story seems to not completely flow or if the writing sounds weird. I'm writing this during my spare time...so most of the writing happens around 3am. I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. The descriptions of Paris are not entirely accurate. They are just based on my own observations when I went to go visit during the summer.

Summers in Paris were always hot. The humidity made it impossible to breath at times, making it feel as if your lungs were slowly collapsing after every intake. If you were anywhere but inside next to a cooling device of sorts, you would feel the air of the entire city latching on to your skin. Maman never really enjoyed humidity or summer. It could have been the combination of the heat, the language barrier and the fact that Will, Mattie and I were impossible as children, but Maman described our family trip to Paris her own personal hell. I had always adored Paris. The hustle and bustle of taxis and motorcycles blaring through the night, the illumination of the city lights, the colorful and stylish Parisian clothing. It was my version of heaven on earth.

 

Until it wasn’t.

 

It was until she came.

 

Until it turned into _my_ personal hell.

 

My world that I had carefully placed back together came crashing down into a million pieces the moment I saw her. Anything left of what I was, of whom I was trying to become all but vanished the moment I laid eyes on her. If only I had ignored Mattie’s request to go out. If only I had ignored William’s constant nagging. If I had only waited a few hours later, or arrived a few hours earlier. If only, if only. But perhaps, subconsciously I had always been waiting for her. Looking for her in places that I knew she would never be. Straining to hear her laughter even though we were on the opposite sides of the map. Going to the same lounge every night for six years, hoping that one day she would walk back into my life.

 

Regardless of the circumstances prior to seeing her, there she was. There she stood. I knew the moment I laid eyes on her, everything that I knew would be turned upside down and that I would fall apart in her hands as I did all those years ago…

 

 

 

\--

 

 

“Now honestly, Carmilla. You cannot expect me to come to visit my darling little sister in Paris and not go out on the town. The statement itself is so ridiculous. Paris is our piece of paradise. How can we not go out and enjoy it?”

 

“Mattie I told you. I don’t want to go out. I hardly go out now. Can’t we just go out to eat? I’ll take you to that one restaurant that you like. The one with the cute waitress that you are interested in.”

 

“I am not interested in that uptight redhead waitress. I have more class than that, thank you very much. And don’t try and weasel your way out of this, you little rebel. I know you go out. According to dear William it’s almost alarming and worrisome the amount of nights you go out and fall prey to your vices.”

 

“You cannot seriously believe everything Willy-boy tells you. He exaggerates everything and enjoys seeing me all riled up. Also, I believe you just inadvertently admitted to having Will spy on me. I thought you were better than that Mattie. I’m not a little child you have to have to watch over. I am a perfectly grown adult who is capable of making her own decisions and taking care of herself.”

 

“I would believe that statement if you acted like it. From what I see here William’s observations were accurate. Look at yourself, Mircalla. What happened to my little monster who mopped after no one?”

 

I turned to glare at Mattie or at least attempted to. The fact that I was lying upside down on the couch could have been a large contributing factor to my inability to properly do so.

 

“I am not mopping. I do not mope.”

 

Letting out a scoff, Mattie pushed off the wall and walked to sit on the armrest of the couch. Her face seemed passive but her eyes glistened with amusement and pity.

 

“Mir, look at who you are talking to. I’m your older sister. I knew you liked girls before you even could imagine the idea. I knew that you hated being called Maman’s glittering girl. I knew that you lied about going to a rock concert in order to go to that classical music case showing in high school. I knew that stupid blonde child was going to break your heart-”

 

I flinched involuntarily.

 

“-which by the way I am the only one who gets to call you a monster. I knew you lied to mother about the whole incident at your high school prom-”

 

“How do you even know about that? You weren’t even home you were in college-”

 

“I know when you lie or when you try to lie. I know every single one of your faces. And that, my dear is your mopping face. Without a doubt you are mopping.”

 

I let out a huff of annoyance before bringing my hands to my face. If there was one thing I did not like about Mattie, it was how she seemed to always be right. Regardless of how right she always was, I would always deny it.

 

“Mattie, come on. We’ve literally been to every single club and lounge within a ten-mile radius from here. It’s a Friday night and it will be packed. Do you really want to go out and surround yourself with sweaty and drunken imbeciles? Also, I’d rather not run into any of my old ‘study buddies’ tonight. I had a run in with two of them yesterday and my cheeks are still rather sore.”

 

I felt a slight pressure on my hands before they were dragged away from my face. Looking up I saw Mattie staring down at me. It was funny, the way that the light from the sunset illuminated her face. Her sharp features and pursed lips made her look like an annoyed guardian angel. Her dark eyes were staring into mine and suddenly I was twelve again. Twelve and crying because Maman had punished me for letting her down. For not meeting her expectations of being her Diamond child. Twelve and looking up to my older sister, whose facial expressions were passive, but eyes so expressive. My wonderful older sister whose eyes were filled with pity and warmth. My Mattie’s eyes who were filled with true affection, unlike Maman’s.

 

“Don’t look at me like that Mattie. I’m not a child anymore.”

 

Mattie let out a sigh before running her fingers through my hair. Her nails gently scraping my scalp sending back to rainy nights by the fireplace at home.

 

“I know darling, I know. I just wish you’d let me help you.”

 

I flinch slightly and attempt to sit up straight. Mattie’s hand fell from my head and settled on top of my hand.

 

“There’s no need for help Mattie. You can’t fix what’s already completely broken. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

 

“Come on, Carmilla. One night, that’s all I ask. I can’t stand to see you so…broken. So defeated.  You are Carmilla Karnstein. You are not one who gets defeated. You are one who lives. You are one who survives.”

 

I sighed before placing my other hand on top of Mattie’s. Giving it a light squeeze I turned to her with a sad smile.

 

“If this is surviving, I would have rather death came and engulfed me in its arms. At least in death I would feel peace and calmness. Hell, I’d rather have a thousand knives cut into my body than live this half-life. At least with the knives, the pain would eventually end. “

 

Mattie’s figure that was once defined with sharp lines began to blur because of the tears that were beginning to form.

 

“Mattie, it feels like there’s a thousand knives stabbing my heart and I can’t make it stop. Whenever I go out, whenever I lie with another girl it nulls the pain for a little while. But when I wake up in the morning, the throbbing of my head is nothing compared to the throbbing of my heart. I just want it to all go away.”

 

Mattie’s form had transformed in to a watery mesh of shapes and colors.

 

Suddenly her arms were wrapped around me and my hands were tightly gripping on to her shirt. I squeezed my eyes shut in attempts to make the tears go away. There was no way I was going to break down and cry like a blubbering idiot, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

“It’s okay, Mir. It’s okay.”Mattie’s soothing voice whispered into my ear.

 

Suddenly everything else seemed to disappear. The sounds of the city began to fade, until all I could hear was Mattie’s steady heartbeat. All I could feel were her arms, holding me together. All I could hear was her heartbeat steady and rhythmic: my own personal lullaby.

 

I would have given anything to stay in my sister’s arms. To have my strong, big sister hold me together and protect me from anything and everything. But after a few moments, I slightly began to push her away. Because no matter how much I wanted her to stay, Mattie couldn’t. She was the head of her own company. I was no longer a child. She had her own demons to face and I couldn’t bear the idea of having her fight mine as well.

 

Letting out a sigh, I wiped my eyes and balled my fists.

 

“I’m sorry Mattie. I’m fine I promise.”

 

“Mircalla, I cannot stand to see you like this. So as your big sister and as your best friend, I am going to take you out tonight. No, you do not get a say in this. I will let you get drunk in the moment and forget all your pain. When it looks like you can’t stand any more, I will take you home-or you and a girl whichever happens first-and allow you to drown yourself in whatever guilty pleasure you want. The only difference is that when you wake up in the morning, you wont be alone. I will be there for you, Mir. You don’t have to go looking for all the pieces cause I will have them and I’ll help you put them back together. This night is your last hurrah. After tonight, I will help you move on. I will help try to fix you. I’ll help you get your life back.”

 

I looked up at Mattie. Her eyes were twinkling with determination and hope. For a moment I almost believed her.

 

“…Okay. But we are going to that one restaurant first before we go out. You seriously need to get Betty Crocker’s number.”

 

Mattie smacked me across the head.

 

 


End file.
